Piadinha em inglês

The Good Husband

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company’s party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn’t taste like alcohol at all. He didn’t even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he’d done something wrong. Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

“Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight.

I love you, darling! Love, Jillian”

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast,steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.

His 16-year-old son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, “Son … what happened last night?”

“Well, you came home after 3am, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.”

Confused, he asked his son, “So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??”

His son replies, “Oh THAT… Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, “Leave me alone, bitch. I’m married!!”

Broken Coffee Table $239.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time: PRICELESS!

Vocabulário

• husband; marido
• wakes up with a huge hangover: acordou com uma puta ressaca
• after attending his company’s party: depois de participar de uma festa na empresa
• drinker: beberrão
• didn’t taste like alcohol at all: não tinham gosto de álcool de maneira alguma
• wondered if he’d done something wrong: ficou imaginando se tinha feito alguma coisa errada
• had to force himself to open his eyes: teve que se esforçar para abrir os olhos
• side table: criado mudo
• sits up: senta-se
• clothing: roupas
• clean and pressed: limpas e passadas
• spotlessly clean: impecavelmente limpo
• cringes: se encolhe com dor
• a huge black eye: um enorme olho roxo
• staring back at him: refletindo no espelho
• a note hanging on the corner of the mirror: um bilhete pendurado no cantinho do espelho
• kiss mark: marca de beijo
• lipstick: batom
• on the stove: no fogão
• get groceries: fazer compras
• stumbles to the kitchen: vai cambaleando até a cozinha
• sure enough: como era de se esperar
• steaming hot: coffee café quente
• drunk and out of your mind: completamente bêbado
• puked: vomitou
• hallway: corredor
• ran into the door: bateu com o rosto na porta
• dragged you to the bedroom: te arrastou para o quarto
• take your pants off:  tirar as suas calças
• screamed: berrou
• leave me alone, bitch. I’m married: me deixa em paz, sua vaca. Eu sou casado
• saying the right thing, at the right time: PRICELESS!: dizer a coisa certa, na hora certa: não tem preço!

FONTE: Blog English Experts - Um guia para quem estuda inglês por conta própria via Internet - Blog disponível em: http://www.englishexperts.com.br/2010/12/12/piada-em-ingles-o-bom-marido/